Tuesday

Today I had a very busy day. And by itself that was a rarity because I usually have no busy days.

First I had a doctor's appointment with my family doctor for my semi-annual check up. That went pretty uneventful providing that my laboratory results will not indicate any abnormalities in my system. But why should they?

Emotional conditions are rarely reflected in the blood. I don't think I am in such a bad emotional condition that my system is affected.

My heart aches, my soul hurts and something is lacking from my life. But these are not medical conditions, these are emotional conditions.

And any psychoanalyst would say, take two aspirins and call me in the morning!

After my physical exam I headed over to Memorial Sloan Kettering for the monthly bereavement get together. It is being held on every second Tuesday of the month. And honestly, I was looking forward to it.

This time it was really nice. Five people, four ladies and me and we all knew each other from previous months.

We all had very honest and frank discussions about our feelings, our lives and our situations. We all agreed on one point. This is the only place where we all can openly talk about the way we live, the way we feel, what we may expect from life or any other subject. We are not judged, we are not criticised by anybody.

This gathering if it were not for such a serious reason would almost be pleasant to be at.

We are all different ages, different backgrounds yet, our feelings are frighteningly similar. Some lost husbands, one lost a mother, one lost a father and I lost my wife but still we all have the same pains.

The gathering lasted an hour and a half and after that we parted company. I came home, will fix something to eat then watch TV.

Tomorrow is another day.

But in the meantime I am still waiting by the door!