Second Tuesday

Today (when this is being written) is May 13, second Tuesday of the month. Second Tuesday means there is a bereavement session at Memorial Sloan Kettering Or MSKCC.

In a kind of weird way I was looking forward to this session. It is being held every second Tuesday of the month. There is no end to it because sadly there are always people who pass away.

This was mt third time I went and so far there were no two similar sessions. Each is different in its own way.

Today there were six ladies and me, one solitary man. One woman was there the last time otherwise all newcomers. Two lost parents, one lost a fiance and four of us lost spouses. My wife passed away three months ago and I was not the one who's loss was the most recent. There were others.

It was very interesting to hear other people describing how they deal with their losses. Made me feel a little better knowing that we are all pretty much in the same boat. The thoughts, the symptoms, the indications, the effects are very similar to each others.

We all talk openly and honestly. Being the only man I didn't want to be macho so I told them just the way things are with me. There was no reason to hold back, neither I or anybody was being judged there. And honestly, this is about the only place where I for one can open up and describe my true feelings without feeling that I am imposing on people to listen to me.

These sessions are being conducted by a clinical social worker who lets us talk and open up about our feelings but she offers advice when asked for.

She told us MSKCC would start weekly bereavement sessions for a duration of eight weeks for those who need it. I told her I was not interested because once a month I am very gladly attend. I don't want to hear these problems weekly. That would not help me at all.

But once a month is all right for now. I am looking forward to June 10 already.