Second Tuesday

I am writing this on Tuesday evening, publishing it on Wednesday. So, everything that happened and was called today was on Tuesday.

Today I went to the gym in the morning. I forced myself to get out of the house in the morning and do some exercise. It is so easy to stay home and do nothing just watch the time go by. Well, today I worked out and honestly, it felt really good. Planning the same for tomorrow. Planning is the key word, it reamains to be seen.

In the afternoon I went into Manhattan because today was the day that the hospital has the monthly bereavement session. It is held on the second Tuesday of every month. The first time I went was last month and honestly that was very difficult for me.

This time it was a lot easier. Not because I am tough and I don't mourn my wife and don't think of her. No,sir!

I do all those things and more but it was easier because this was my second time there and I found it more relaxing to talk about my feelings.

There were two ladies there along with me who recently lost their mothers to cancer. Both were extremely close to their mothers therefore the loss was terrible for them. I really felt sorry for these people. One of the ladies had really no life outside of beeing with her mom. They were friends and companions and the loss is badly affecting her.

I am not comparing the loss of a parent to the loss of one's love of life. Each one is a life altering situation and each is terrible on its own that I can not wish on anyone.

But back to the session. It is very relaxing and above all very open and honest. We are telling total strangers things that we are not telling to our closest friends or family members. Mainly because these strangers thoroughly understand each other and share in each other's miseries, guilts and regrets. And, believe me, we all have our miseries, guilts and regrets.

I have a close friend who lost his wife not very long ago pretty much the same way as I did. He now lives alone surrounded by his memories. He is probably the only one who knows what I am going through because he experienced the same emotions before. But still it is somehow easier to confide in those strangers.

Can't wait for May 13, that will be the next second Tuesday.