Being alone

When one lives his or her life with a partner one gets used to things. Things that come naturally and no thoughts are given to what might happen if a change occurs in one's life.

Losing a life partner and find oneself alone in this world is a major traumatic experience. It is an experience not wished on anybody, not even on an enemy.

Life suddenly takes a turn toward aimless living. Days come and go without any particular goals. My social calendar is kind of empty.

Don't misunderstand me, I am not complaining. I have good friends who look after me, inquire about my well being, make sure that I eat well.

But I get up every morning and think about what will I do that day. And most of the time I come up empty.

When my wife was here with me every day we went out, did some shopping, had lunch, went to some more stores then went home. But it was fun. I never complained about Her shopping habits.

Now, I don't shop. I have more clothes than I know what to do with. I don't go out for lunch becaue there is nothing more depressing than eating alone. O.k. when I worked I ate alone a lot but that was different. That was not depressing because that was by choice. Now the situation is different.

The places we used to go to lunch are not really places where one can go easily by oneself. So, I go to the gym (if I'm not too lazy) than go home and stay there until I go to a friend's house for dinner.

That brings up another problem. We own a two week timeshare in the Caribbean. Obviously it is not easy for me to go there alone. Although I have friends I can be with for one week but after the first week they all leave to go home and I am stuck all by myself for a whole week. The restaurants on that island are really not geared to feed single persons. For one week I would be so alone that it would be totally depressing.

I'll probably just stay home this year to avoid any unnecessary sadness. I'll just stay home and wait for the doorbell to ring!