My Grief

The quoted portion is directly from Wikipedia:

"Grieving process: Every step of the process is natural and healthy. It is only when a person gets stuck in one step for a long period of time that the grieving can become unhealthy, destructive and even dangerous. Going through the grieving process is not the same for everyone, but everyone does have a common goal; acceptance of the loss and to keep moving forward. This process is different for every person but can be understood in four or more stages, depending upon the theory that is being used. In the four step model there are:

Shock and Denial
Shock is the initial reaction to loss. Shock is the person’s emotional protection from being too suddenly overwhelmed by the loss. The person may not yet be willing or able to believe what their mind knows to be true. This stage normally lasts two or three months.

Intense Concern
Intense concern often manifests by being unable to think of anything else. Even during daily tasks, thoughts of the loss keep coming to mind. Conversations with one at this stage always turn to the loss as well. This period may last from six months to a year.

Despair and Depression
Despair and depression is a long period of grief, the most painful and protracted stage for the griever (during which the person gradually comes to terms with the reality of the loss). The process typically involves a wide range of feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. Many behaviors may be irrational. Depression can include feelings of anger, guilt, sadness and anxiety.

Recovery
The goal of grieving is not the elimination of all the pain or the memories of the loss. In this stage, one shows a new interest in daily activities and begins to function normally day to day. The goal is to reorganize one’s life, so the loss is an important part of life rather than its center."


This might be boring to read to anybody not involved but the more I read it the more I realize that I do have some of these symptoms.

Three months, six months to a year, long period of grief... They all sound all right when one is a younger person but I do not have the luxury of waiting several years. I am kind of over the hill even if I don't feel it. So, every year counts at this time in my life.

This does not mean that I want to get this grief business as listed above over with. I will deal wit it in my own way and in my own time. That is the whole idea.

Right now, analyzing myself, I am in step one and two. I am trying to deal with daily life as well as I can while I am not ready to believe what really transpired.

I am not anxiously waiting for the symptoms to disappear and let the next step began but I do realize these stages of grief exist and a person has to go through them.

Right now everything is fresh and things I have to take care of -business wise- break my heart each and every time. It is the finality of the situation that is the hardest to accept.

Anybody who read my blog might realize that this is the first time I did not write about my wife but I wrote about myself and my feelings. This does not mean that I turned the corner and worry only about me. No sir! I really don't worry about me. I only care about Her and Her memory.

And I am still waiting for the doorbell to ring!