Domestic Engineering

We men tend to take our wives for granted. We already accepted that they are stronger and smarter than us but we also believe that they are indestructible. They are supposed to outlive us, take care of us when we are sick, keep our house in order, keep us fed. And they make it look so simple!

But when tragedy strikes and they leave us before we had the chance to leave we realize that things they made look easy are anything but.

At least I am talking about myself. I am sitting in the empty apartment looking around and saying to no one particular: "my god, I'll have to take care of all this by myself". It is a small consolation that I have an apartment and not a house, but from where I sit it still looks gigantic.

I can't relax. Everywhere I look I notice something that I should clean the next time I clean house. And the list is growing. And when I am convinced I have a complete list something else pops up.

Previously we cleaned everything together. I did the heavy stuff, vacuming, bathroom/kitchen floors, laundry, and She did the small stuff. The porcelain, books, glass and other nick nacks. Now I have to get a PHD from domestic engineering to be able to do all that by myself.

I keep saying to myself that when She comes back we will fix everything. I am having a very difficult time believing that this situation might be permanent.

We hade no children and I really feel sorry for any father who loses his wife but have to take care of his children. Having a child or children around at a time like this robs the person from the chance of grieving. First responsibility is to take care of the children and at the same time put on a pleasant face. Grieving has to be done somewhere in a closet where nobody sees him.

I don't have that problem. There is nobody here with me so I can cry whenever I want to. I don't have to put on a brave face for the sake of children.

Speaking of children. I might be cynical about this but I do believe that at times like this grown children are no help at all. At my age if I had children they would be grown by now with their own families and I would be a grandparent several times over. Also, who knows where my children would live in this huge country.

So, if a tragedy like this strikes they would come and circle their wagons around me for a while. They would say big words, cry crocodile tears and would tell me to call them whenever I needed something. Then they would get in their cars and go home to wherever they lived hoping that I never call.

At the end of the day I would still be alone, I would be without my love, my partner and no children can replace that.

Who can a person count on when tragedy hits at home? Thankfully, I have friends who care about me, who call and inquire about my well being and also since I can not cook feed me.

Here are my problems. I can not cook and I am color blind. The color blindness is worse than not being able to cook since I have to smell food because I might not see if it is turning green. I am afraid I might also dress funny since I don't know what color goes with what. My wife always corrected me if I put something stupid on.

So, today is cleaning day for me and I will try to live up to Her expectations, which will not be easy.