Life goes on

Every time I meet somebody they always ask me how am I doing. It is nice to know that people care but what is the correct response?

I am doing o.k. I carry on with my life, I am doing the necessary chores. I am not a mental basket case, at least not out in the open. What I do and how I feel in the privacy of my home is mine and mine alone.

Yesterday somebody from my building asked me just the same question. I told him I do things just the way my wife would have wanted me to. I don't want Her to get pissed at me for doing something the wrong way.

But I don't plan to live in a mausoleum either. When time is right I will make some changes but only if I think they are necessary.

I have a cousin in Hungary whose mother passed away about twenty years ago. He lives in the same apartment, never changed anything, did not give away her clothing or any of her belongings. Now, this is not a very normal nor healthy behaviour.

I certainly don't plan to live like that. Memories are not in material items but in one's heart. Clothing and stuff are just that: material items.

What I really resent is when somebody tells me "if you want to talk just call".

The way I look at this as long as I don't call everything is well. But according to them when I feel the need to talk I should call.

Well, it ain't gonna happen! The way I look at it anybody who is interested in my well being is free to pick up the phone and call. I will be very happy to talk and convey how I feel. But I am not burdening anybody with my pains and problems. Nobody can come close to understanding it anyway. Not saying that other people didn't go through similar losses but we all deal with our pains differently. That is what makes us humans.

I do have friends who call and inquire and show genuine interest in my well being and I am very grateful for them. But then not everybody is the same.